Counting..

For the longest time, since i've been into this blogging thing, I am posting again. It's been a year, and yes I am back.

This time, this is not about the rantings and the whinings. Though if you still want to hear some, I still have some hehe... Kidding aside, I guess I have nothing to ask for more. Things, rather, the prayers I have been long praying has been showered to me the past months that I have been idle with blogging. Just that the busy me, or the lazy me, had no enough time to put it into writing.

Okay, I now begin. Roughly 7 months ago, God has granted me my desire to get an overseas job, preferably in SG. Most of my friends, and my community back home knows what pushed me to pray harder for that. I want to do it for my family. I got my folks, and 2 younger siblings to support back home. I've been away from home for almost a year, some 4 years ago to even much farther land, for a business trip, but that time it was different because I knew I am staying there for good. So even if it's a little risky to be away, try a new job to a foreign land, with different culture, I decided and took that risk. I thank God, I got many friends in SG, and got a 'new friend', new friends and a new community as well so it was not really hard coping at the beginning.

Second answered prayer. God has given me the right person. The time I really was not looking for it, or at least expecting it to happen. Yes, it's true. I remember one of the blog entries, I had last year, that entry talking about Judy Ann and Ryan (jologs! hehe...), I tell you what that's so true!!! So whenever some single friends of mine fret about their being 'single and searching' status, the once-cynical-me, tells them that they should not look for it, for it will be given at the right place and time. :)

I am really so blessed to have Arnold in my life. After all those bumps and bruises I had, I feel
like this is a new me, or a refreshed me. It's like a missing piece found. He brings out the best in me. He always reminds me me how to be always good and considerate fellow. He never fails to show me to always look on the positive side of life. And the best thing, he helps me to always keep my faith in God burning.

All in all. I'm happy. Again, nothing to ask for more. God has been so good really. I always joke nga to my friends, when I share these stuffs, that God is mapagbiro. Akalain mo ibigay ng sabay-sabay lahat ng prayers ko?

Seriously, I can say that when God hears your call, and he hear it straight from your heart with all you good intentions and great faith, it will be given to you. No matter how many, He'll pour it down. :) Take it from me, sure that it only takes PATIENCE and FAITH. :)

God bless everyone!

Hope Floats

Hope floats when...

you're in between the phase of holding on and letting go.
you're stuck midway on hanging on and giving up.
you have nowhere to go but going the straight line or making the shift.
keeping the faith or just letting your fate drives.
keeping your dreams on or living in reality.
continue striving or just let things be.

life is never simple. that is.

Life's really like that

My dilemna now has gone months already. Though I am hanging in there, before I close my eyes to sleep, I always ask myself, did I try to make even a little step?

It's not easy being stuck with a world where you feel everyone glides in every minute and there you are completely not moving. The claustrophobic you, will end up nauseus and eventually cry in one corner to pain.

Why do we need to grow old and care about the things we didn't give a heck of when we were younger? Life hasn't been so easy lately. I had to make decision, heavy decisions that may cost my 'life' now. For the need to start moving for your source of bread and butter. For the need of saying goodbye to someone you realized you cared for and yet never ever consider how you feel. For the need of letting go people that once mean a lot to you. For the need of forgetting about your past that hinders you on moving forward. For the need to act your age. For the need to shoulder everything. For the need to be responsible to people you love.

But I realized life has to be really like that. It just means you are still alive. You still have every morning to welcome the new "may-no-so-easy-all-the-time" day. You still have to open your eyes to see the beauty of life, even the bad. You still have to get up to feel the love of the people special to you and pray for those who cannot. I realized it's not too bad, not at all. :)

Deja Vu

Well, the movie was good but this time I am not talking about that Denzel Washington's film.

I know that life is a loop of ups and downs, left and right , happy and sad moments, fun and boring stuffs, crazy and simple things. Deja Vu. Things happen over and over again. Some similar, some a little different but ends up the same as before.

I know, I know! I am supposed to understand that and be ready but for some time, I got so tired of it. OHhh! Don't get me wrong, I am not suicidal or something. :P I just want my life to dramatically change right now.

Uhmm.. sorry.. I'll post something worth reading next time dont worry. Just let me whine, alright? I think there's nothing new with that. :P

kung bakit single pa raw ako till now

almost but not quite. hihi!

http://web.tickle.com/tests/single/?test=singleogt
______________________________________________

Rose, you're single because you don't want to commit

Once the blush of first love wears off with your partners, do you get a little antsy? You probably crave excitement in all realms of your life, and you need a relationship to keep you filled with possibilities. Let us guess: Someone has probably told you that you haven't quite grown up yet, that you're still holding out for the perfect "whatevers" (job, car, home, date) in your life to come a knockin'. Or perhaps you're just having a difficult time accepting that your comfortable little place in this world is always growing, always evolving — and that means you have to be willing to accept big life changes, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that. After all, you're probably a lot of fun to be around and may be the life of the party.

But when it comes to settling down, you leave without looking back twice. Now's the time to ask yourself: Why? What's holding you back? Maybe you don't want someone to get to know you fully? Perhaps by saying "yes" to someone, you're afraid you'll lose yourself, or the possibility of something better coming along. Just remember that the best relationships are those that never stop growing. That's something you can identify with, right? So keep that in mind next time you find someone you're really comfortable with. You never know, it may prove even more exciting once you really get to know each other, teensy flaws and all.

The keys to my heart

some are true while some are uhmm.. i dont know. :D

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Happy Hiking Society 1st Climb (May 27-28, '06)

See the pics. here...


by rosepastrana

Official first ten members (accdg. to the formation)
1. Jojo (Jho's hubby)
2. Jho
3. Dennis
4. Rosee
5. Tercs
6. Vic
7. Peyton (Gaile's friend)
8. Gaile
9. Bhoyet (Jane's BF)
10. Jane

Lots of fun and laughters!
I cannot wait for the next climb on July.
See you, Pico De Loro! :D

Over and over

It still pisses me off sometimes. As much as I want to stop myself on fighting her back, naiisip ko huwag na lang since I don't want to stoop on that level again. Had promised myself, never again. And I'm keeping it.

If only she knew how much pain I've been through. If only she knew how long i have struggled. Maybe she would have pity me and hate someone else. But nah, I'm over it. I dont care about them anymore. I'm over it. I have confessed and cleaned my conscience about that weakness. I'm over it. I have forgiven them. I'm over it. I've forgiven myself. I'm over it. I'm healed.

I pray that all of these will be over one day.

where

I realized I am missing lots of people now.

I miss my college friends: clary, diane, millet, juneth, marnold, sonny, boni, all of them! :(

I miss my samsung friends: lhen, thess, tintin, nanette, aidz, weng, melvs, dennis, joseph, reggie, all of them! :(

I miss A, I miss D, I miss M!

Ano ba? Roll call ito! And I don't think I make sense! :(

guys i've dated

my reply to one of the famous thread in GT! :)
________

1. Mr. Friend-of-mine. My "first love", if ever that is the right term for that. But we were just friends. Best friends. Visits me at home. Became close to my family. Going out on "dates". Platonic. Where is he now? Married to his on-off GF of 9 yrs, same number of years we had that platonic friendship

2. Mr. Younger-than-me guy. My first-ever relationship. Maturity-wise, obviously, it didn't work-out.

3. Mr. Older-than-me guy (by 8 yrs.). With respect to guy #2, I realized that maturity shouldn't be based on age, they're just digits. Too sweet, too maasikaso. Eventually, I realized he could give those exact treatment to literally every girl he meet along the way.

4. Mr. Akala-ko-siya-na guy. Guy I met again after 5 long years. Started over coffee. Started out as friends. As the songs says. I thought I'm gonna sing that song forever from that day on. I remember joking once on him that he is too-good-to-be-true. He was hurt. The reason, eventually, I found out, He has a Girlfriend.

what guys like about you...

Had found this in a message boards and had the guts to answer it. I think it's fun...

What Do Guys Like About You?

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

Song of the Day: Because of You - Kelly Clarkson

Because of You.

(Kelly Clarkson)

Ohh ohh mmm

I will not make the same mistakes that you did ...

And I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did

You fell so hard I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of youI learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt

Because of youI find it hard to trust

Not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you...I am afraidI

lose my wayAnd it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cryBecause I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake a smile, a laughEveryday of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of youI'll never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of youI learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

Because of youI find it hard to trust

Not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you...I am afraid

I watched you die

I heard you cry

Every night in your sleepI was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your painAnd now I cry

In the middle of the night

For the same damn thing..

Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of youI tried my hardest just to forget everything

Because of youI don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of youI'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of youI am afraidBecause of you....because of you.. you.....

a wish upon the moon

I usually turn off the light in my room before I sleep at night. Though I hate the full darkness so I turn on the light along the stairs outside my room. But last night, my folks preferred to turn it off and used the light downstairs instead. I was a little "scared" only to realized that the moonlight was enough to sustain my need of that little light. I was amazed. She was right in front my eyes, through the windows. Considering half moon, she was still able to give me the wonderful view of the sky, the clouds and the stars.

Before I closed my eyes to sleep, I came to compare the light that moon brings to the light I bring to the people that comes close to me. Wishing. I wish for some instance in my life I was able to be like the moon, though half-away to perfection, and bear the light that it brings to the entire sky.

I am not perfect, nobody is. I committed mistakes and wrong decision in the past that I couldn't turn back anymore. I have forgotten, I was cherished. I cried, I lied. I am often misread, or shall I say I often mislead people to think of me in ways I am not, and I never intend to. I can count through my fingers those people I can say know the real me. The real Rosalia.

But like the moon, beyond my imperfections, I hope that I was able or I will still be able to touch the lives of people around me, in a more positive way.

Wala lang

Grabe, I am really surprised with the turn-out of things! That fast? Hahaha! This world called internet had revealed so much for my life for the past year. Looks like everyone's moving on, and I am hopeful that everyone's staying that way. Please.

At least, I, myself, know that I am keeping that promise I made for myself! Seriously, I wish for everyone's happiness. There maybe things that have been said and done but what the heck, forgiveness will take them all out! We're human, and we're prone to mistakes. Let's just give way to peace and live our own lives!

Today

I am choosing to stay calm and be at peace today. Despite of people who chooses to be bitter about their lives that they want to make mine even worse. Too bad, I vowed to myself that never will I stoop down to that level again. I've been there once and man, I tell you, it's not that sweet. If there's one place on Earth that I don't wanna be in again, that would be the world of bitterness.

Never did I say that I was a good person for 27 years of my life. For sometime in my life, nagkamali rin ako. Nasaktan, nakasakit. Humingi ng tawad, nagpatawad. But make sure that when you say you're done, you really are moving on. Move on being the best person that you can be.

Probably, walang makakaunawa kung ano itong mga pinagsasasabi ko ngayon. I am not expecting one anyway. There are things na I prefer keeping to myself na lang. I asked God for forgiveness to some of them. And I am trying hard not to commit the same mistakes again.Forgiveness, how I wish it's that easy for everyone to offer.

I am longing for a fresh and new beginning sana this year. Obviously, maski alam ko hindi na siya nasimulan the way I want it to be, I still pray that soon, sana everything will be on its proper place na. Wala nang gulo.

May God bless us all.

Please don't ask me

Oh Gawd! I feel so sad now. I heard this song again after how many years and it affects me still as much, I can't believe it. With a different person now. I feel like I wanna cry. God help me..

Please don't ask me what am I thinkin'
It's about you
Please don't ask me
I never can see you
What can I do?

My first impulse is to run to your side
My heart's not free and so I must hide
Please don't ask me what I'm gonna say to you

I toss and turn, can't sleep at night
It's worrying me
I go to bed, turn out the light it's your face I see

It only hurts the more I pretend
That we could ever be more than friends
Please don't ask me why I'm so in love with you

You could easily make me happy, that I know
And I'll try my best to never tell you so
I will sing to you my love songs and pretend
And I'll keep this secret right down `til the end

Please don't ask me why I'm not talking
I just can't explain
And please don't ask me why I go walkin' out in the rain
I could not live the lie it would take
To have you near would be a mistake
Please don't ask me why I'm still in love with you
No, please don't ask me...

losing track

What's with me? This morning, beyond my "cramming-pero-lagi-namang-late" way to office, I didn't recognize that the jeepney that I was riding was past the area where I supposed to go down na pala. Hahaha! Actually, the building is just 2 blocks away from the train station and what? I walked 1 block and a half on the way back! Haha! I am laughing at myself now, silly me!

What was I thinking then. Hayyy... I'd rather not say it here for the mood might suddenly change from laughing to frowning. Good thing, everything's at peace now. Hopefully, this will be for keeps.

questions

sometimes i ask myself if i deserve the hassles and hurts i had starting you became close to me. i found myself questioning life why i have to meet u again after all those years and eventually let you go. a part of me says i should fight fo you, but how will i do that if you yourself dont know what you should be fighting for? wake up! take me or leave me. if you choose the latter, i would be hurt, yes, but it doesn't mean i would die. i just got to have a new life.

goals. not resolutions

2006's here. I don't know how many times did I mention the phrase, "new year, new life". Heck, whatever that takes, I am all out to the game now to accoplish them. Knowing myself, I always tend to adjust a little, justify some actions, and then sacrifice what I think I should be doing. In other words, I've been too soft that I hardly realized that for some time, I have to think of myself. Myself alone.

I guess I have to be tough this time. Laban kung laban.

Mistakes

Sometimes I come to thinking why does it's so hard for some people to forgive when everyone does mistakes naman. Sure that for every action you take, regardless you realized that sooner or later or not, comes its consequences. But is it really that hard to forgive and you move on afterwards?

Rosee

Life is an endless journey. She always bear that in mind. Whatever she receives today might be lost the next day she wakes up. She is, trying her best to enjoy every bit of it, contrary to what people who dont know her enough thought of. Throughout her life, she benefits from experiences that change her for the better.

She is somewhat analytical, critical, & practical, all combined in one. Its cons: she tends to over-analyze things at times, gets too attached over things that was not meant to stay her side for good. Goodbye is her most-hated words.

Emotionally she is a paradox, for though essentially very communicative, she is often misread. It is only when others break through her somewhat frosty barrier that they actually experience her caring nature, and later on, her expansive outlook on life.

Friendship and everything associated with it is important to her. She keeps her friends, and when you’re on the list, you can bet that she’ll bet her life for you. Her few true friends can attest to that.

She had her own share of falling in & out of love. But with that, she remains the hopeless-romantic that she is. She believes in fairy tale & happy-endings. And hers is yet to come. Though she can appear modest & levelheaded to others, underneath this facade her desire to love & be loved runs deep. Anyway, everyone does.

She loves her family. Nothing that she won’t do to be able to add to their comfort. She is proud of her mentally-challenged brother. She hates those who easily judge people like them. Heck, she asks why they don’t try putting themselves in their shoes.

Light note, movies are her guilty-pleasure, best if in big screen. She could stay all day in her room watching all those VCDs & DVD’s that she can get from the local store. She enjoys chit-chats with friends. For her, coffee is as irresistable as ever.

Lastly, she's trying to be a true servant of God,little by little. She finds true sense of self-fulfillment & peace of mind with that.

Goodbye to You

Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch

Of all the things I've believed in

I just want to Get it over with

Tears form behind my eyes But I do not cry

Counting the days That pass me by

I've been searching Deep down in my soul

Words that I'm hearing Are starting to get old

It feels like I'm starting all over again

The last three years Were just pretend

And I said

"Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to"

I used to get lost in your eyes

And it seems that I can't live a day without you

Closing my eyes and You chase my thoughts away

To a place where I am blinded by the light

But it's not right

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything

And nothing at the same time

I want what's yours And I want what's mine

I want you

But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall I will lie awake

You're my shooting star

happy moments

these friends of mine? You bet, we can drive anyone into nuts.

tagaytay, finally after all those "galit-galit" mode, natuloy rin kami sa wakas.. hehe..

picture lang katapat nya! haha!!!

ramblings. feelings. all of them

It's been a while since my last post.

I don't know I just feel so idle. Senseless. Seems that everything around me is moving and yet here I am, in the same spot where I've been the last time I am sane. What's wrong with me?

It's not easy to be in a world where you feel the people around you walk in the right path, live their lives accdg to what they think would make them happy, and yet you don't. People you once cared for contented to what they have now, and doesn't even feel your existence. Things you've been hardly praying for, easily handed to some who dont even know how to treasure them. Dreams you built enthusiastically yet you dont where and how to start.

Dont get me wrong. I know what's lacking to me now. Patience. I know life is an endless journey, and you've got to have lots of patience to survive. But somehow, it can get so tiring. But I know I'll get through it (with His help).

I just wanna rant. Forgive me.

Post-Birthday Blues

hayyy...

It's been a week past my special day. Trust me, that is the most tiring week that I had this year. Argh! But the SWEETEST.

Counting, I had 5 celebrations in a row. College best friends a day before, my other two friend at the church org the actual day, two officemates for friday dinner, and another two for the Friday night till dawn, and Sunday was the big day at home.

Tiring, tiring, but what the heck? It's all worth it! It's fun to have lots of friends!

Afraid to Love

A friend always tell me that one thing she admires about me is my endless faith in love. I beleive in fairy tales, in happy endings but I sometimes find myself cynical whether I am entitled to it or not. I can't help but to shield my heart from possible pain at times. I feel like once I have given my heart away there's a tendency that I can't be in control to it.

Recently, I almost have given it away, after years of patiently picking up it's every broken piece. Thanks God it was not too late yet when He let me realized it's not yet the proper time He wants me to trust my heart to someone again. Not the proper time yet, perhaps not with the right person yet. I don't know, I don't close doors but I deserve someone who is worthy of taking the risk with me. Not just for some reasons but for every reason, and that is he is truly loving me.

One thing I am sure of, I am maybe afraid of dogs, perhaps of ghost stories, worst of death. But I can't be afraid to love. For only when you had love and be loved truly in return, though lose it in the end, you can say that you live life.

Just like the old days...

I had spent a wonderful time last night with my college best friends. Too bad, one of us was missing then, Diane. Though we're having a part 2 next week, to celebrate my special day na rin. And I am so excited for that!

Things are still the same. The stories (medyo matured na nga lng ang ibang topic hehe..), the giggles, the asaran... and the picture-takings!!! :P Medyo nakakahiya na nga lng mag-pose pala sa gitna ng Glorietta. Haha!!! Unlike the times we had in Baguio during our camp, almost 6 years ago. We carelessly given our best pose in every stairs, in every street, in every chance that we had! haha!!

Hayy.. I miss the old times! Good things they are here again!

just friends

got this from an email...
___________________________________________

Do you want me, like I want you?
Do you need me, like I need you?
Do you love me, like I love you?
Or am I standing still

One of the hardest thing in love is when you are left hanging, when everything is uncertain, when you don’t know where you really stand, when you are just standing still? The other day I had a heartfelt talk with a friend and I just came to a realization that it’s really difficult to be just friends? with an opposite sex because one way or another one will feel something towards the other. Don’t you ever wonder why everybody’s asking, why are you still friends?? when you could be more than just friends??? isn’t it annoying when everyone around you kept on thinking that there’s something going on, when the truth is you are really just friends? But what if it came to the point that you are the one asking this to yourself, why am I still just friends with him when we can be more than just friends. Where do we draw the line? When does a good friendship transcend to something deeper?

I always believe that one of the strongest foundation in love is friendship, then why is it too difficult to go beyond the friendship stage? why is everybody scared of taking the next step, why does is it seem such a big risk losing the friendship?? It’s quite confusing and mind-boggling. When everything seems clear that you are just friends and you’re fine with it. And others can’t compare the closeness you shared, when you are comfortable with him around and you can tell him anything and everything. When you are so used of having him around, then the panic thoughts came rushing to your mind? what if he found someone, what if he can’t be around anymore, will you miss him, what if you suddenly realize you are in love with him? then the denial stage, I can’t be in love with him, he is just a friend? then everything was normal again then he suddenly pops out this question? Why can't we be more than just friends? then everything was confusing again. Did he ask that out of desperation or he really wants us to give it a try??

This was my dilemma before, being in love with my best friend. It seems somewhere between the coffee, the movies, the out-of-town trips, the late night chat over the phone, the endless text messages I went over the line of just friends? but the thing is I’m hanging every moment with him, I don’t have the strength to ask where do we really stand and yet my heart’s been battered already, too scared to be hurt all over again so I decided to just go away. It’s almost been a year, we stayed friends but I slowly drifted away by not being too close maybe he knew why I had to do what I did, and maybe it scared him too. Two cowards, you might say but that’s just the way they are and of course, sometimes I wonder what if we took the chance, what if we had the strength to give ourselves a chance, what if????.. Despite the uncertainty, I got no regrets I knew God has a plan why he let all these things to happen. Today, I saw him after a long while, we talked as if nothing happened and somehow I knew I’m still in love with him. I don’t know what’s next, somehow I just want to trust God and wait for His perfect timing and if he’s indeed the one for me then????

blogspot first-timer

Signing in...


This is officially my first entry here in Blogspot.

You might ask why another blog? Hmmm.. to be honest, I just feel that friendster blog is so public. Your friends in the list will always notify you that you created another post as if you are not aware of it at all. That sucks at times, I dont know. Not that I dont wnat them to read the entries but I think this will be more private. Anyone who wants to read them just have to copy and paste the URL I will include in my profile. No need for them to be notified by Friendster that I have updated mine.

Now, migrating the entries. See you around! =)

Coffee and Life

Coffee and Life
August 23, 2005

Another sip. Another dose of caffeine. Another cup of coffee.
Hot or ice cold. Classic or flavored. Reflections during the break. Dreams and disillusionments shared with the cup. People you remember you had a coffee talk with. Memories, good or bad. Everything that comes along with it.

My life has always been a cup of coffee to me. We all have choices what flavor we are getting. We have the discretion how far can we give in to the caffeine. How much. How many cups for the day. And most importantly, when to stop.

When to stop? More often than not, being a hard-headed that I know myself of, this is the most difficult part for me. I don’t know, I cannot consider myself as someone who can be easily addicted into something. Ohh well, maybe in some part of my life, and yes of course with coffee.
Wheww!! Why in the world am I talking about coffee this way?

Wait, I'd better get my next cup! :P